Crookshanks ate all the food!
by elipotter18
Summary: A collection of one shots about the Order of the Phoenix's adventures behind the scenes of the OoTP book and later HBP.


Chapter 1:

"Good meeting, eh?" Sirius pushed past the crowd of chattering Order Members to reach his best friend.

"Fairly dull," Lupin said. "And more than a little bit like a lullaby."

Sirius let out a sharp bark of laughter. "Leave it to Moony to put things into perspective…"

"So what did you think?" Tonks asked her cousin as they were jostled into the kitchen and took their seats.

"About? Mad Eye's haircut or the way old Dumbledore's done up his beard today?" Sirius asked her, wide eyed and innocent looking.

"Shut up! You know what I'm talking about! The mission they're sending us out to do-" Tonks paused. "I-uh, some members, anyway."

Sirius sobered. "Right… right, yeah."

"The ones staying here have got far more work to do, to be honest." Tonks said, trying to cover up for her mistake.

"Like what? Cleaning the loo and breaking our backs trying to clean under those bewitched beds in the attic?" Sirius scoffed. "Yeah, sure, Tonksie."

"No, really. She's right." Lupin put in with a nod.

"You're in this too?" Sirius looked amused.

"HERMIONE I AM JUST ABOUT DONE WITH YOUR CAT!"

A loud voice jerked them out of their conversation and they whirled around towards the kitchen.

"What? What is it?" Hermione pushed past the Order Members and into the room.

"Oh! Oh _no_! Bad kitty! Bad, _very_ bad! Say you're sorry, Crookshanks!" Hermione said, wiping the crumbs off of her beloved cat's fur.

Fred pressed his hand against his head and groaned. "Wonderful. Now all's fixed."

"Crookshanks!" Ron and Harry had sprinted in now too, hurriedly clothed and looking half asleep.

"Crookshanks, I knew that dumb cat was trouble from the second I set eyes on it!" Ron exclaimed.

Harry Potter looked around.

Bags of bread and sugar had been sliced open by sharp claws, and the turkey Molly Weasley had left to cool on the counter had been devoured by the fat cat.

"Now what?" he asked.

Mrs. Weasley entered now, and the members made way for her, a sudden hush falling over them as she looked over the kitchen she had taken command of since they had transferred headquarters there.

She stood there in silence a moment, surveying the scene, her hands on her hips, her hair a complete mess. Her eyes slid over to where Hermione had frozen, still holding the cat that seemed to sense the deep trouble it was in and was squirming like crazy. Ron and Harry flanked her, both looking just as guilty and trying to pick up the scraps of food off the floor. Molly's twin sons were leaning against the fridge, surveying the mess and shaking their heads. "No dinner today, I guess, Mum." George broke the quiet.

Molly took a deep breath before talking. "Hermione, dear… take your cat upstairs and shut the door, will you?"

Hermione nodded quickly and hurried out, scolding her cat the whole way.

"Harry, Ron."

Both boys looked up at her.

"Help Hermione keep that greedy creature put away…" she continued, shooing the two out.

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley." Harry replied, almost running out, his ears a bright crimson.

Ron rubbed his nose, gave his mum what he considered to be an apologetic shrug, and followed his friend.

"Awful cat, that is…" Fred muttered.

"You almost feel bad for Hermione for falling in love with that hungry flat faced creature…" George answered with a sigh.

"What'll we eat?" Fred asked his mother.

"What happened?" Tonks stumbled through the crowd and stopped behind Mrs. Weasley, gaping at the scene that greeted her. "Oh- oh no…"

Molly clicked her tongue.

"Can we help?" Lupin's reassuring voice put in, his person following a few moment later as he managed to detach himself from the mob outside the door, straightening his robes.

"It's alright. We'll just slaughter Buckbeak." Sirius joked.

"Sorry, I'm allergic to feathers." George told him with a lopsided grin.

"We'll just have to go shopping…" Molly said numbly.

"What?!" Fred demanded, paling a little.

"You don't mean…" Tonks breathed.

"In this darkness? That'd be asking for a Death Eater attack!" George protested.

"That's why we'll all have to go together." Molly pressed.

"Even worse!" George said loudly. "We'll attract them like bees to honey!"

"Imagine how much valuable information we'd be parading, 'oh, we're just buying cereal, please don't hurt us...'" Fred said in a high pitched voice.

Molly frowned at him and the twins fell silent. "We've got hungry Order members to feed out there." she said determinedly.

"Yes, but is it worth it? We don't mind going without a meal for a day, really… you fed us enough for a full out hibernation at yesterday's party…" Lupin told her gently.

"Yeah…" Tonks and Sirius nodded vigorously.

"You, least of all, should be saying that." Molly snapped. "You're all so thin…"

"No, no…" Lupin said, shaking his head.

"I'll go alone, then. You three entertain the crowds while I get some food." Molly pulled on her cloak.

"No, Molly… really." Lupin put a wary hand out to stop her. "Go find Arthur." he told Sirius.

Sirius ran off.

"Molly, it's fine… we'll survive. Besides," Tonks said with a wide grin. "We've got Remus' stock of chocolate bars to save us. I've seen it! You wouldn't believe… all that delicious warm, gooey chocolate!"

Molly looked at Lupin strangely who smiled. "What can I say, I'm prepared."

"Yeah, I bet he sat down and said, 'and this bunch of bars for when that crazy cat of Hermione's eats us all out of food'…" Tonks snickered and elbowed Remus. "Well? Go get it, then! Unless you don't want to share your precious collection…"

"I'd be more than willing, but seeing as Molly is half out the door now…" Lupin winked at her and blocked the door. "Molly, please… be reasonable… we're fine. No one'll be disappointed, we'll just tell them the story and they'll understand. I promise."

"Remus John Lupin…" Molly panted, looking livid. "Get yourself out of the way before I'm forced to hex you out for the sake of feeding you lot…"

"Go on, hex me then. But I can't let you go and risk the exposal of the Order, or worse, let Ron and Ginny lose their mum. Please, just wait until Sirius gets back, and then we can talk about this and make a plan we all agree on, yeah?" Lupin proposed.

Molly looked back at Tonks for support, but Tonks had her wand drawn.

"Sorry, Molly… it's for your safety…" the pink haired auror said.

Fred and George now appeared in the doorway waving chocolate frogs and laying them on the kitchen table.

"We bring these as tribute…" Fred explained, spreading out a few jellybeans too.

"You expect us to dine on candy?" Lupin asked incredulously.

"Yeah, Professor. Sounds good, doesn't it?" George grinned.

"It does, actually…" Lupin smiled back.

"Alright!" Tonks whooped, knocking over a bright red, but luckily empty, cup. "Sorry, it's just this is such a good idea…"

Molly's eyes filled with tears. "Come here…" she pulled her two boys into a tight embrace.

Tonks and Lupin tried to sneak away, convinced Molly was safe now, but she caught them.

"Remus, Tonks- group hug!" Molly instructed.

Tonks and Lupin looked at each other.

"Yes, ma'am…" Lupin walked back, as did Tonks.

"Thank you…" Molly whispered.

Ron, Harry, and Hermione trooped in too, holding bags that seemed to be stuffed.

"We collected these from the other members…" Ron informed them, catching their inquisitive glances.

"We told them of our plan…" George explained.

"Some are a bit squashed…" Ron said, pulling out another chocolate frog, this one rather deformed.

Hermione unzipped her bag and dumped it by the sink.

Candies of all colors poured out. "I'd originally saved these for Crookshanks…" she said.

"But seeing as even the littlest bit of food will probably kill him…" Ginny supplied.

"Brilliant, ladies…" George laughed.

"Quick, set the table… the Order needs something colorful and fun like this…" Molly decided, pulling out a pile of plates.

"This is crazy…" Lupin murmured, but he retired to his room and returned laden with the chocolate bars.

Tonks and Harry sorted through the candy and piled it into separate groups according to the type of food it was.

"As unhealthy as this is, I like the idea…" Mad Eye barked when he popped by to ask why the food was taking so long.

"Buckbeak has been spared!" Sirius declared triumphantly.

And the Order reacted very positively to the prepared meal as well.

Ginny had decorated the plates with sprinkles to make the food look classy and expensive.

Ron and Harry had combine pineapple ice cream with one of Remus' milk chocolate bars, the chefs' specialty, they said.

Hermione and Lupin even made a small portion for Kreacher, and Fred took up a plate for Buckbeak.

Dumbledore was perfectly content to the lemon drop salad, which was really just a bowl filled to the brim with, you know, lemon gumdrops.

Gummy bears were served in the turkey platter, and instead of stuffing, they ate spoonfuls of melted chocolate frogs.

The overage wizards decorated a cake (which was really a clumped up piece of bread) with melted chocolate (which they had plenty of) an called it a cake.

"Candy all around!" Fred said, passing the bowls.

Ron stuffed his mouth and Harry filled his plate.

Ginny tried a little of everything, and rated each food separately for the other members to get up the guts to try their different concoctions.

Hermione declared her new favorite was pineapple chocolate and even Mundungus liked it.

And Crookshanks? He watched from the door, unmoving, waiting for all his food to digest.


End file.
